Sorry for the month long vaction from the blog. Finding time to do anything is a great feat these days. Also finding any energy is like a quest for the Holy Grail- too long and too tideous to attempt, leaving you questioning if it even exists.
Yet the theme of this current post is an issue I hope I'm not the only mom to have ever dealt with or currently dealing with- the feeling that you are and will ever be Quasimomo. You know what I mean (hopefully), that feeling that you are fat, ugly, hideous and will always be from here on out. It begins when you are pregnant. You become fat, swollen, possible pimply and you think, "Oh well, I'm pregnant. I don't care." After the baby is born, you still feel like a Quasimomo, but you tell yourself, "I just had a baby. I'm supposed to feel insecure." But one year later and I still feel I will never be attractive again. Is it the crusted over Cheerio I found on my shelve this morning? The fact I'm still in-between sizes even though I've lost all my baby weight? Is it that I still have to wear glasses all the time, because my eyes are constantly aching from the lack of sleep?
Regardless of what it is, you feel completely ugly. I'm not quite sure how to solve this one. Well, that's the current things bothering this working mom- no time to get everything done, too exhausted to them anyway, and feeling completely gross.
Despite those things, I do take such pride in my beautiful daughter, and love every moment I get to spend with her no matter how exhausted or ugly I feel.
I can sooooo relate!!! When Chad was a baby, I used to joke that my biggest decision of the morning was whether to change the shirt that he had just spit up on or let it dry on the way to work and then just scrape it off. Sexy, huh?!?!? I think every mom experiences this! But, just remember that your perception is clouded by exhaustion. You are beautiful! And, on top of it, you are an amazing teacher who definitely has a positive impact on her students (I know this first hand)! The exhaustion will pass, eventually. Unfortunately, the body never *quite* goes back exactly the way it was. At least it gives us something to hold over their heads as they get older (i.e., "YOU did this to me!!"). :-) Hang in there! It does get so much better with time!!!
ReplyDeleteAh, Kristi...three kiddos later I am much heavier than before, and feel very insecure and self conscious about it, but I look at my kids and my breakneck schedule and wouldn't trade my life to be thin and childless. The exhaustion never goes away completely either, but does get better as children get older and sleep better, even though I still find a ten or nine year old snuggled in my bed some mornings. I look at my teenager and know that this, too, shall pass. I think you are beautiful and thin and a great mom to Tyler and Lily.
ReplyDeleteAh, thanks, Sandy. It really makes me feel better.
ReplyDeleteI think you look great! In fact I was wondering how you got to your non-pregnant size so quickly? I'm still rocking the maternity wear b/c I didn't have any fat clothes in the house. I think I'm going to have to break down and purchase some clothes in bigger sizes than I was before becoming pregnant.
ReplyDeleteI really want a maid service. That's the chore I have no time for these days. I just need someone who can clean bathrooms, dust and vacuum. I can get the rest. hang in there momma!